Leonidas
by craziunderurbed999
Summary: Out of all the places the Grandson of the Devil expected to be, it was never here. PipxDamien, CartmanxKyle, OCxOC. Trying hard not to make awful OCs. Rated M for smut, cussing, violence and maybe other stuff.
1. Chapter 1

Damien never wanted a child.

He never wanted his baby to be walking around on this earth, causing chaos everywhere he went. It wasn't for the reason most men didn't want babies - Damien was different than most men. He had the patience of a saint, and he had enough money to buy New York if he wanted to. It was for a much different reason.

He stubbed out his cigarette, exhaling a wisp of smoke. The room smelled like a combination of alcohol, cigarettes, and cologne. It was Mommy and Daddy's room.

'Damien,' said Pip, 'you know I don't like cigarettes. You could give our child a case of second hand smoke, and we don't want that.'

The demon looked at his boyfriend calmly and replied, 'Now sweetheart, Leonidas is outside and these cigarettes aren't going to harm him. He's part demon, and demon bodies are much stronger than human bodies. And besides, he's outside. I'm watching him play.'

Letting out a sigh, the Brit went back to what he was doing, rummaging through a stack of papers on the bed. Damien continues to peer out the window, gazing at his son.

The ground was consumed in flame, but little Leonidas wasn't hurt at all. His short little infant legs functioned properly as he ran and caught the beach ball, throwing it to all of the other demon children. He was smiling and laughing playfully; Damien could see this from even a few floors up. They lived in the nicer part of Hell, where Satan and his original demons lived. _Hell isn't the proper place to raise a child - _well, fuck that. Little Leonidas was turning out just fine.

He looked so much different than all the other demon children. Instead of being red-skinned with little horns, little Leonidas was pale with black curls cut short so that they would be only two inches long. When he hit puberty, Leonidas would bitch and whine of the pain of having horns sprout from his head, Damien was well aware of. But Leo was only four and that was a few years ahead of him, so there was no use in arguing about that.

Damien was so full of thought when it came to his son's very name.

He never wanted a child, but Pip did. And when this new 'male pregnancy' technology came out...well, it was settled. Pip wanted this baby more than he wanted anything else in the whole world. So Damien gave in, eventually. It took a good ten years, but he gave in.

And unexpectedly, though he never said, he loved the child more than he loved anything else in the whole world, and he wanted nothing more but to shower his Leo with love and care...

The baby reminded him of his Pip. He had Pip's eyes, Pip's skin, Pip's tallness, Pip's build, Pip's slender fingers, Pip's organization skills, Pip's writing talent, Pip's good innermost will...But he paused at this list of comparisons when he saw his son smile stupidly during dinner time, or send spitballs plummeting through the air, or scare the shite out of the other children with his 'talents' during play time..._But he has my personality._

Damien thought of how when he was younger, he was tired of not knowing, not understanding, and how this trait had also been passed down to Leonidas. He wondered when exactly the child would ask his parents of their stories, how they met and how this had all come together, a mortal and a half-mortal living together in the depths of hell with their three-quarter mortal son. He would want to know why he never got to see his mother's parents, and he would be asking about where they were. Damien could never bring himself to lie to Leonidas about such things, but he knew that evidently his son was too young to comprehend everything that had to happen in order for it to be that way. He knew that one day when Leonidas was to ask, he would just sigh and say, 'Son, you're not old enough.'

Damien walked away from the window with a last glimpse at his son pushing another demon down to the ground and then the other demon jumping up automatically, aiming a fireball. The sound of laughter drowned his ears, and he smiled.

But Damien hadn't thought of everything.

He never thought that maybe his son would find out about the story of his parents in a way different than expectations said, and he never thought that one day Leonidas would lead a different path than expected, writing a story of his own.

But he did know one thing, and as he sat back down on the bed to have a discussion with his husband, he whispered this thing in his head.

'I love you...Leonidas.'

**So there you have it. I got tired of writing 'Pervert', and I figured instead I'd do this, a much more complex story. I just wanted you to note that Pip and Damien's 'story' is the same as the one I was going to write in 'Pervert', but I am going to make this story (or try to make it, anyway) a little bit better. Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed.**


	2. Chapter 2

Gun in hand, the heavy-set, dark-haired, dark-eyed man sat on the swing.

He could see it, a nine-year-old Kyle Brofloski, green hat shrouding his headful of red curls. His laughter echoed throughout the place, and he pointed and exclaimed, 'Be careful not to break the swing, fatass!' The ex-Nazi was about to get up and take the Jew in his arms, engulfing him in all of his love, but then the fragment of his imagination vanished.

Just like everything else.

Eric Cartman looked down at the ground. He was tall and strongly built and he was tall, big to the point where it was hilarious, looking at him in the swing, his weight pressured to the bottom, his legs in an awkward position. He had such fond times with his body in the past. Sweat dribbled from every pore, his forehead gleaming with sweat, lubricating his body, and in the boys' locker room, sixteen-year-old Cartman eyed Kyle Brofloski's ass. And then there were the times he was even more fond of, when Kyle's knees were up and above his head, and he was moaning as Cartman thrusted in to him...Thinking of these times, the times he loved, almost made it less painful. Almost.

Crying didn't do Cartman any good. He cried and he cried and he cried until his body was empty of water. Now he had no tears to spare. And now, it really didn't matter. If he'd have heard the story beforehand, of how invaders came down and killed this world, killed everything in it, he would have laughed, thinking of it as something out of a comic book. But now, after being the only human left on the face of the earth, after escaping and seeing all of the awful, tortourous things that he saw, he just thought of it and never thought he'd ever feel anything deeper than sorrow.

He once hated Kyle. But he had grown to love him; he didn't care about opinions or words, he loved Kyle and that was that. So he gave him everything he had to give, which, in Cartman's opinion wasn't enough, but Kyle loved him and thought of it as wonderful anyway.

And then he conceived in Kyle a child. His name was Jacob Cartman, and he looked and acted just like Cartman. He missed his son, he truly did, if the word 'missed' even cut it. He missed how he'd constantly smile stupidly and get cramps in his hands from messing with the video game controllers all day long, he missed how he used to babble on and on and on about nothing in particular, he even missed the calls from the principal's office. He missed everything.

And he missed his daughter, Marie, who was just a four-year-old when she died. She was this cute little red-headed girl with the biggest, most hazel eyes and she was a ginger - a big freckle face, that is. But Cartman was delighted with his ginger child, and he remembers her dragging around her teddy bear, Kaji, and he used to walk for miles with her on his back. And again, there was so much to miss.

He left his childrens' rooms just as they were, as if they would someday come back. He just shut the door and let the dust build up, not touching anything else, never looking in the way of the rooms. He remembered the last peek, and he was happy he didn't have to look at them every again. He even put his and Kyle's room on lockdown - he could still smell his husband in the covers, and he eventually went and camped out in the living room. Not that it did any good. There was no television, no electricity, no refridgerator, none of that good stuff. He was the only one there. And he lived off of what he could find.

It came to the point that without them, the only remaining member of the shattered family had to live in total dysfunction, and he thought he went crazy. He was tired of waking up at seven at night and having to stare out the window for an hour to remember who he was or what he was doing. He was tired of constantly seeing hallucinations of his family; Jacob playing baseball with him, and then he waited patiently for the ball to come back only to discover later that the ball wasn't coming back to him. He was tired of being paranoid, thinking he was being watched. And he was tired of thinking. Tired of living.

A memory.

He didn't know who these people were, what they wanted from him. He was left for days to starve and to suffer in this place they called a crypt, and he was strapped to a table. His ass was numb and every day he worried. Cartman could hear bloodcurling screaming not far away from him, and he could picture the room, solid white around him being splattered in blood. He wondered if he was next to be tortured.

The day came when he managed to get out of this hell, only to find an even worse one ahead of him.

First was Kyle. He was nailed to a wall, blood pouring from his hands, which were over his head, and he was beaten and whipped repeatedly, slashes and marks scattered across his body, his nakedness revealed unwillingly, casturated, feet cut off. Then there was Jacob. He was dismembered, and Cartman didn't know how he died or who did it to him, what he had to see, if he just died from being cut apart or...that was just the aftermath. And his daughter, Marie.

Her death had to be the most heartwrenching for him. He just broke after that, seeing his daughter skinned, red muscle revealed, all bloody, skin ripped apart. And in a corner, he found the only thing that remained of his daughter: Kaji, her little teddy bear.

He made a little alter for his family inside. Written in glitter on a black, flat stone was _In Memory of the Cartman Family: Kyle, Marie and Jacob Brofloski. Just remember that even in death, Daddy loves you. _It was leaning on the wall in the kitchen, and right next to those writings was Kaji, because Cartman knew his daughter loved that teddy bear and would want him to be there.

He gripped the simple handgun tighter in his hand. Cartman's hand turned red from the pressure he was putting on it. He was all sweaty, but he knew that this had to be done. Eventually his hand gave in to his brain, and slowly, he took the gun and put it in the proper position so that it was pressed against his head. His finger on the trigger, he thinks his last thoughts.

_I'm coming to be with you guys._

It was a quick, unpainful death, Cartman's brain scattering on the ground bloodily, making the green grass much less appealing. These were the last thoughts of Eric Cartman before he was lifted off of this earth, being removed from his being, and, he thought, was leaving this horrible place called an earth forever.

He thought when he pulled that trigger, positive things would come. He thought wrong.

Unaware he was of the fact that only the good were rewarded in the afterlife, and soon, when he was dropped in to the fiery depths of hell, he realized that he'd never see his family or his friends or anyone he'd ever cared about again. He worked for Satan now, worked serving all of his demons in the 'nicer part of hell' where they lived. But when his shift was over, when he finished working, he'd saunter back in to the torturous part of hell where he got his four hours of sleep and repeated the same thing again.

He sometimes got to see Master Damien, whom he had met before, and his husband, Pip, who he was familiar with, together having dinner with their son, Leo, and sometimes he'd even serve them, and then Damien would laugh about 'the good old times' he had with Cartman. Sometimes it even made him a little happy, looking at his Master, realizing that he was happy and he had what he once had, and it reminded him of his own family and comforted him in a way.

Never did he think he'd ever get that all back.

And again, he thought wrong.

**FINALLY got this done. Sorry if it was too sad.**


	3. Chapter 3

Outraged, the Son of the Devil lets his fist hit the table with a loud bang.

'He wants us to do _what _with the humans! He wants us to do _what _with my Leo!' Damien snarled at his father, whom looked very stressed out.

Resting his head in his hands, Satan let out a disgusted exhale, making it obvious that he wasn't very happy either. 'Listen, Damien,' he said, looking up at his son, 'this is God's request to us. The entire human race was wiped out by invaders, and he didn't want that. He wanted the world to end with him battling the anti-Christ.'

'But _I'm _the anti-Christ!' Damien snapped. 'My son isn't! And now he expects me to send my son down there to earth so that he can go through the trauma! I'm not fucking doing this! I'll put all the humans whom were wiped out by the invasion back, but I'm not fucking sending my son down there!'

'Listen Damien,' Satan said. He paused for a minute, watching his son's face get redder and redder and redder, listening to the fire in the fireplace crackle and illuminate his study. 'This is God's request. I rebelled against him, and we _have _to win this war against him. This is no matter of choice. We have to do this.'

There was no doubt in Satan's mind that his son was still pissed off. But all of the physical evidence of it vanished, and all the redness went from his face. The next time Damien spoke, he was no longer screaming and his fangs were no longer there evidently, his eyes not red with fury.

'I don't know what I'm going to do. Where in fuck is my son going to go? What am I gonna say to him? Am I gonna say: _'Hey, son, I know you're only eight years old and your whole life you've lived with me and your mother, but now you're gonna go live with some stranger because you have to go and fight against God'_? And what the hell am I gonna say to Pip?'

He was looking down at the desk, and pretty soon he ended up piercing his lips with his fangs, blood oozing from the opening. And a familiar metallic taste filled his mouth.

Finally, Satan spoke. 'I'll tell him. I'll explain it to him. You just find somebody you know you can trust with him.'

Damien looked up. 'I don't know anybody I can trust with him. Opal most certainly is an option, but she raised me as a child and...I don't want to do that to her again. I want her to enjoy herself.'

A gigantic red hand rests on Damien's shoulder reassuringly. 'You have time to think about it. Don't do that to yourself.'

But of course, as these words escaped Satan's mouth, he knew his son didn't listen to advice.

...

_I fucking hate these clothes._

The words formed in Eric Cartman's head every day as he got up for work and got dressed were always along those lines. He looked like a dork, with shoes that squeezed the shit out of his large feet and red pants, a red jacket and a dress shirt, complete with a red bow tie. Marie and Jacob would have laughed at how their father looked in his work clothes. But of course, there was no laughter to be heard from the family - Cartman didn't know where his children or his husband were. Unfortunately, Hell had such a gigantic population that it'd be almost impossible to find them, and it wasn't like it was on earth, where there was technology so he could search for them online. He lived in Hell literally, a wasteland of flames and he was surrounded by assholes. He had zero friends and he hated his job, which he received no pay for. His little shack where he lived was awful, and the food wasn't much better.

Oh, the food. He received the shittiest food ever. The thinnest soups, the bleakest flavorings, the small amount of things edible. But the kitchen that he worked in, delivering food, the smell lingered all over the place, and it was so tempting for him to commit thievery. But he knew damn well that it was possible for life in hell to get a thousand times worse, and he'd end up like those people who were tortured, limbs broken off, permanently scarred, sometimes even damaged mentally. Of course, with the last one, he couldn't be any worse off.

'Here you are, Master Damien.'

The smell of spaghetti and meatballs still made Cartman's stomach quiver with hunger after three years. He did the same to Leo with his hot dog, and then to Pip with his salmon and potatoes.

_Here you are, Master Pip._

The sound of the words almost made Cartman laugh. But then again, he'd been so miserable every day for three years that it was impossible for him to laugh. But still, it was pure irony, that the boy he had bullied all those years ago, he was now serving him and his husband and his child dinner, and still, his former victim would chirp 'Thank you' politely while no one else did. It wasn't a change of relations that everyone got to experience. It honestly had to be the most fucked-up change Cartman had ever heard of, and he had lots of those.

But this time, Pip didn't say anything. He just stared down at his plate without a word.

'What's wrong, Frenchie?' he asks. Then he realizes his mistake and hastily adds, '...I mean, Master Pip.'

He receives a glare in exchange from Damien, but surprisingly, no fireballs are headed his way. Pip's eyes are watery, and his eyes look almost like green glass. But he looks up, and sounding like he has a sore throat, he says, 'I'm not gonna see Leo for a long time.'

All of a sudden, Cartman had the urge to hear the story.

'Would you like a drink of water to help your throat, Master? And a tissue?'

For the first time in a long time, it didn't disgust him to be polite and not his rude self, and he wasn't just doing it because he didn't want to receive eternal torture. He was being polite because he knew that if he was, he would be more likely to hear the story.

'Yes...please.'

Cartman scoots over to the kitchen and yelps, 'Hey, Angelo! Get me a glass of water and a clump of tissues on the double, you dumb Italian!'

The Nazi receives two glasses of water, the first of which is unleashed in his face because of the Italian comment, the second of which is on a tray with a bundle of tissues next to it. Without bothering to thank Angelo, Cartman rushes over to the table, and it was amazing he didn't spill any water. He slows down as he makes it closer to the Masters' table, and sets the tray down.

Pip gives him a quick nod and gulps down the whole glass of water, then blowing snot in to a tissue.

'We had a negotiation with God,' said Pip.

Damien feels that the word 'negotiation' shouldn't be used, but he's not in the word for talking, so he instead chooses to say nothing of the matter. Leo just stares blankly at Cartman, no emotion at all on the boy's handsome face. But green eyes stare at Cartman blankly, and Cartman just manages to glance at the kid before Pip continues.

'We're sending all the humans whom were killed during the invasion three years ago back to earth,' Pip said. Cartman is unable to register the words, and he thinks he has misunderstood the British accent. But before Cartman can query what he had just heard, Pip continues, 'Leonidas is also to be sent to earth. We're having a difficult time...'

'Can you please repeat that?'

'Leonidas is...'

'No, I mean what you said before that,' Cartman converses impatiently, waiting for an answer.

Pip repeated, his voice once again sounding sore, 'We're sending all the humans whom were killed during the invasion three years ago back to earth.'

'And everything will go right back to the way it was?'

'Yes,' came Pip's reply.

Across Cartman's face was spread the biggest smile.

'You know,' Cartman said, 'me and Kyle will take Leo in with us.'

'Now say what?' Damien asks, jumping in to the conversation. In all of the years Cartman knew Damien, he never saw a look like that on his face, and the look almost made him explode with laughter.

Leo has this weird look on his face, too.

But Pip manages a smile and says, 'Why, thank you, Eric. We appreciate that.'

The look on Damien's face says, _I think you mean __**you **__appreciate that...Right, Pip? _And the look on Leo's face is just the same.

It's just then that Cartman comes to the realization of what he said. He didn't know why he said that. But he thinks of Kyle and the look on his face when he's giving Cartman a kiss for the first time in a long time and then sees out of the corner of his eye...He'll have a lot of explaining to do, won't he?

'You know, I'll go with Cartman. Just for the hell of it. And it's not as if he's gonna do anything bad to me...' He looks at his father, his eyes saying it all for him. 'You scare the living shit out of him, Dad.'

The first thought that occurs to Cartman is to grab Leo by his hood of his hoodie and crack his head against the table like an egg, but then he remembers Pip and Damien are right there. Leo smiles, almost as if he can read Cartman's mind. It's a charming little smile. But then the fat ass remembers that when the boy got older, his tiny little teeth would turn in to rather prominant fangs and then his smile would become scary.

Damien glares at Cartman. It's almost as if Cartman is telapathic.

_Listen, you fat fuck, _Damien's voice says in his head, _you better not fuck this up._

And the waiter screws off in to the kitchen wondering how he's gonna get himself out of this one.

...

'Now, Leonidas,' a heavy British accent announces, interrupting the thoughts of an eight-year-old boy whom is laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking. 'Eric was kind enough to volunteer to help us out. We don't want to see you go, but we have to. I just want to go over some rules with you...'

'...Mom,' says Leo, 'I know, I know.'

'No, you don't know,' Pip replies. 'First of all, Eric has two children, a son who is now eleven years of age and a daughter who is seven years of age. I want you to be nice to both of them, and be respectful to everybody. Eric and his husband, Kyle, are gay like us, and me and your father have known them for quite a long time. Kyle is pleasant to be around to a certain degree, but Eric, in his natural state, is quite...'

'...Mean?' Leo uses the nicest way to put it.

'Yes. Now I just want you to remember to be the best you can possibly be, okay?'

'I promise,' says Leo, solemnly nodding.

It had been exactly a month from the day the family had the agreement with Cartman. Now a large amount of Hell's population was being supplied with white orbs - special balls thrown on to the ground that would make a being go wherever he or she desired. Tonight at midnight, billions of these balls would be thrown to the ground, and billions of people would continue the lives that had been so awfully taken away from them. Except for Leo. His life would only come to an abrupt turning point.

The clock ticked. It was eleven-thirty.

Damien entered the room suddenly, and he stared at his son before saying, 'So I guess I'm not gonna see you for a long time?'

It didn't sound like much of a question.

'Yeah,' replied Leo, looking down at the carpet in his room.

He didn't hear his father move close enough to him to grab him by his chin and force him to look at him in the eye. But apparently he did.

'I'm gonna miss you, kid.'

Leo felt like he was about to cry. 'I'll miss you, too...and you too, Ma.'

'Listen,' Damien said, holding his son's shoulders, 'I just wanna tell you...Write a letter to us. Every day. Throw it in the fire. We'll get it. You'll get a letter back.'

'I will.'

Twenty-eight minutes passed, and Leo's eyes burned from the lack of blinking. He finally looked over at his parents, whom were still standing there.

'Good-bye, you guys. Until we meet again.'

He heaved his heavy backpack on to his back and ran over to his parents, hugging them and whispering 'Good-bye' repeatedly, and Damien whispered 'It'll be okay'. Pip, of course, cried, which wasn't unusual. But Leo wished he had this moment with his father for life, because Damien wasn't deep or emotional or affectionate, and he felt that this moment was only going to happen once. But midnight struck, and with a last good-bye, Leo threw the white orb on to the floor, a white mist surrounding him and clouding up his vision of his parents.

And that was the last he saw of his family for a very, very, very long time.

**Finally done!**


	4. Chapter 4

This world is another world's hell. It's cunning and tricky and kniving, and the worst time of your life can be the best time of somebody else's.

Leonidas Thorne learned this when he was eight years old. He just popped up in the Cartman household, and the first thing that entered his mind was that he had never seen such happiness in his entire eight years of life, had never felt such happiness, had never heard of such happiness.

And instead of the emotion spreading to him, he felt alone.

The happy aura was spread all around the room. Laughter and smiles were there, too. _Laughter and smiles - _two words Leo hardly ever said in his head.

There was also another realization that Leo had come to the very moment he had entered that house. He missed his mommy and he missed his daddy and he missed his Grandpa and he missed all of his friends back in Hell. And he knew he wasn't gonna see them again for a real long time. _You don't know what you've got until it's gone - _all of a sudden, that quote was beginning to make all of the sense in the world to young Leo.

He stood there for about ten seconds, staring blankly and observing the happy family. There was Cartman, and now Leo had just begun to see how immensely huge he was in comparison to the man who he assumed was Cartman's husband, Kyle. Kyle had his arms locked around Cartman's waist. His hair was nearly identical to Leo's except for the color - it was vibrant red, and, was cut short. Cartman had to lean down to kiss Kyle, and on Cartman's shoulders was a little girl who looked about seven years old and had her tiny hands in Cartman's hair, and she resembled Kyle very much.

_But where was the other kid?_

Leo sorted through his memory. His mother did say Cartman had two kids, didn't he?

And then the question was answered for him.

A boy whom was the stunning image of Cartman walked in to the room. He was smiling, and he was smiling. But it had become apparent to Leo - he didn't know why - that he wasn't smiling in the same way that the rest of his family was. It was more of a casual smile that Eric Cartman had wore at the boy's age, the smile that annoyed Kyle Brofloski to no end. He wasn't the same as the others. It wasn't like in any way his life had changed.

'Ma,' he adressed Kyle, 'where is all the food?'

Kyle laughed. 'Now that's my Jacob.'

_Jacob. So that was his name._

It was then that Jacob was the first person to notice Leo. And the demon noticed this before Jacob even said anything to him.

'Hey, you!' Jacob yelled, and with that the rest of the family turned to see the young eight year old whose body was partially shrouded by the couch. 'Who are you and what are you doing in our house?'

'My name is Leonidas, but everybody calls me Leo.' The boy walked in to the Cartman family's full prescence and formally made his introduction. 'Cartman...um, he agreed to let me stay here while my parents worked things out.'

'What?' Kyle simply asks.

Cartman begins to explain to himself. 'This is Pip and Damien's son. They had some complications down in Hell, so Leo has to stay up here on earth. I agreed to let him stay here with us.'

Kyle got on to his tip toes and whispered in Cartman's ear, 'And you arranged this without informing me?'

Cartman whispered back, 'Listen, Jew, where you there to make arrangements with me? And besides...it just happened. I don't know why I said it.'

Kyle sighed in digust. 'Dandruff just happens, Cartman. The Grandson of the Devil staying with us as a houseguest doesn't just happen.'

'Listen, Kyle,' Cartman whispers back, 'this is the way it's gonna be for a while. No use trying to change things now.'

'We'll discuss this later on.'

Little did Cartman and Kyle know, their awkward conversation was heard not only by Marie, but also by Leo. Leo didn't say anything, but Marie opened up her mouth and started babbling.

'Why can't he stay, Mommy? He doesn't seem to be a mean boy.'

Kyle glared at Cartman in a look that says, _You didn't even let Marie down from your shoulders, you asshole._ Leo stares at the Cartmans blankly before stating his opinion.

'Mrs. Cartman -'

'Oh, please call me Kyle.' The Jew remembered back to his first time being called Mrs. Cartman. It was a really weird name for him, let alone the fact that _Kyle Cartman _didn't sound very good.

'Kyle...' said Leo, 'I don't have to stay here if you don't want me to. It was just a retarded suggestion Cartman made because he was real happy about seeing you guys and his brain couldn't function right.' He looks at Cartman suggestingly, and Cartman nods 'Thank you'. 'But I'll explain to you why I'm here. This isn't just like 'a few months stay because Mommy and Daddy are going to the motel'. The End of Time is coming soon, and for some reason, God wants me to battle. I'm here just to stay with you guys until I'm old enough to be on my own.'

The red head has this odd look on his face. Not angry exactly, but rather, puzzled. Who wouldn't be, though?

'You can stay,' he says, nodding slowly.

Nobody knew what to say after this. Finally, Marie broke the silence.

'Good,' she chirrups. 'You can sleep in the guest room.'

...

So this was a normal family. And this was surprisingly a good movie.

The credits zoomed after the ending of **The Emperor's New Groove**, and Marie was already begging to put on another movie.

'No, Marie,' said Kyle, 'we've done enough celebrating for one night. It's time to go to bed.'

In spite of Cartman constantly telling his son not to throw popcorn at the floor and Marie showing Leo all of the pictures she drew as a small child, asking him how pretty they were (surprisingly, they weren't all that bad for the handiwork of a four year old), Leo was able to focus on the movie. It was a movie made for kids his age, just like all those stories Pip had read him before they went to bed were for kids his age, but this one he actually enjoyed.

Marie yielded to her mother's orders easily and went to bed, but Jacob whined a little before going to bed. Both children nicely told their parents 'Good night' - though Jacob's voice was a little grumpy. Sitting on the floor Indian style, Leo looked up at Kyle and asked, 'Do I have to go to bed?'

'Yes,' said Kyle. 'The guest room is right next to Jacob's room.'

'May I go get a drink of water?'

'Sure thing,' said Kyle. 'In the fridge.'

'Good night, Kyle.'

'Good night...Leo,' Kyle replied, and the last Leo heard of Kyle for that night was his footsteps walking away.

Cartman had fucked off to God knows where a minute before the movie ended, so Leo didn't have to see much of his bulbous frame as he made his way to the refridegerator. He opened up the fridge and the light lit up the place. He grabbed the container countaining the water and poured it in to a tall, clear glass. The fridge slammed behind him and he left the container on the counter; he was sure he was going to want more anyway.

He sat down at the kitchen table and slugged down the liquid in the cup as if it was nothing at all. Then he replenished the glass again. And again. And as he finished quenching his thirst and the glass slammed against the table for the last time, he saw out of the corner of his eye something leaned against the wall.

He looked a little closer. Written in purple glitter on a black, flat stone was _In Memory of the Cartman Family: Kyle, Marie and Jacob Brofloski. Just remember that even in death, Daddy loves you. _It glinted even in the dark so that the eight year old could read the neat, round handwriting. And sitting next to that was a tiny little teddy bear with a red bowtie.

Then the fat ass came in.

Automatically, he saw the little boy at the table.

'Who said you could still be up?'

'Kyle did,' replied Leo. 'I wanted a drink of water.'

'I'm pretty sure he said _a _drink of water, not a whole bunch of 'em. Now put that away and get in to bed.'

Leo smiled at this and obeyed Cartman. Cartman fetched something out of the cabinet as Leo put the water back. He gazed at Cartman after he was done. The ex-Nazi popped something in his mouth. _A pill, _Leo figured.

'Hey Cartman?'

'Yeah?'

Leo asks his question. 'I was just wondering...that stone with the teddy bear...what is -?'

'It's a memorial,' said Cartman, looking at Leo for a minute in a way Leo had never be looked at before. 'From the invasion.'

'Oh.'

Cartman stayed there for another second, and Leo was just beginning to notice the man was shirtless. He wondered if he and Kyle would be doing some decent fucking in the bedroom when he was zonked out on sleeping pills, and as soon as he thought it he felt a little creepy. But his prediction was probably true...

'Um...well, kid, if you need anything than just let me know, okay?'

'Okay,' says Leo, and he wonders if Cartman is deliberately being so nice to him really because his dad scares the shit out of him. Probably. 'Uh...Good night.'

'Good night, kid.'

...

Three-thirty in the morning.

Insomnia was the fucking worst.

Stressed out and bare-assed, the demon pulled the covers off, flicking on the light and digging in to his luggage and retrieving a pair of boxers, which he slipped on. He held his head in his hands for a minute, exhaling, his head in extreme pain. He didn't know what to do. Without knowing his exact wants, he dug even farther in to his luggage and got his notebook and a pen, and he had begun to write.

_Grandpa,_

_Dad is probably going to give this to you. He said to just burn this and it'll end up with him. I just wanted to say that I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. I have plenty of time, I know that, but I just have this feeling I'm gonna let you down by the time it's time to fight...I'm sorry already._

_I love you, _

_Leo_

He rips that piece of paper out of his notebook and starts another one.

_Mom and Dad,_

_I miss you guys already. Cartman and Kyle are real nice, but being with them...is just weird. Do you have any idea when I'll be back, aside from a long time? _

_I love you guys,_

_Leo_

He hears footsteps swiftly down the hallway, and he can practically think of shadows dancing and quivering on the walls. Leo pulls on his jeans which were casually fucked on the floor and makes his way outside. He goes in to the kitchen and sees a tall figure kneeling on the counter, the cabinet open.

'Jacob?'

He doesn't say anything back to Leo, just grabs the bottle full of pills and hops down.

'What?' he asks.

'Um...why aren't you asleep?'

'Can't,' says Jacob. 'Why aren't you?'

'Insomnia.'

'Eh...that's why we have these.' He held up the case of Tylenol PM. 'You want some?'

'Yeah, that'd be nice.'

Jacob went and poured two glasses of water as Leo waited patiently. Soon the pills were down their throats and Leo asked, 'I have insomnia because I want to go home. Aren't you happy you're home for the first time in a long time?'

Jacob waits a second before saying, 'No, not at all.'

'What? Really?'

'Yeah, really.' He puts the glass in the sink, and just when Leo thinks he's not gonna say anything, he says, 'It's just gonna go back to the same as always. Even after all we've been through, normalcy will return. Happiness never lasts for long.'

Leo didn't say anything, but he studied the face of the boy who looked so much like Cartman. He was so handsome, so attractive, so tall. But the dark circles under his eyes...

'...Good night, Leo.'

'Good night...'

And that first night, Leo looked up at the ceiling, thinking about Jacob and that look on his face, that look...and that sound to his voice...

...Until he fell asleep.

And Leo had many sleepless nights afterward.

**Next time there's a surprise...**


End file.
